I’ve got a bad feeling …

February 25, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Last May, Larry Correia announced that he had sold the television rights for Monster Hunter International to the same group that produces the Walking Dead.  He was careful to curb our enthusiasm since the sale of the rights did not insure that even a pilot episode, let alone a series, would ever be filmed.

While I have already read the MHI books, I’m now working my way through the audio versions.  This morning I had a terrible thought:  Considering how The Walking Dead was translated to television, what would MHI look like?

Let’s glance into the minds of typical Hollywood executives:

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1.  The compound has to be relocated.  Maybe Texas would be okay, but Alabama?  Has any show ever been based in Alabama?  Let’s move it to southern California.

2.  Audiences wouldn’t watch an action show with a star of mixed race.  Owen should be played by a metrosexual underwear model, or maybe an Aussie.

3.  These guys worship guns and are from the south, so most of them must be bigots (see #2) and/or wife beaters.

4.  Julie as an Amazon is too Xena Warrior Princess.  Too be more original, let’s make her a manic pixie dream girl. Is Zooey Deschanel available?

5.  And instead of being an expert marksman, Julie can defeat monsters with Kung Fu like River Tam.  The fanboys love that stuff.

6.  Trip being black is cool, but why does he have to be a Christian.  Be original and make him a Muslim.

7.  Earl doesn’t smoke.  Period.  No discussion.

8.  Can we get Betty White to play Dorcas?  She’s feisty.

9.  Having the Cursed One as a genocidal European is cool, but instead of the the gross ichor (expensive special effects!) let’s make him a Republican senator or one of those Koch guys.

10.  OMG Yes!  The Curse One is a Climate Change denier!  He created Global Warming to change our world in order for the Old Ones to come here!  We’ll save a fortune on special effects and won’t have to build that pyramid thingy.

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And that’s just off the top of my head.  The reality would probably be a lot worse.

Please, Larry, just cash the check and keep on writing.  But pray that they never, ever follow through.

Entry filed under: Books, Movies/TV. Tags: .

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